I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
