Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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