well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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