She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
