I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize