pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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