If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
