The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
