Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
