Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
