My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
