i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
