Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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