She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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