There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
