just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
