He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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