So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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