k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
