If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize