Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
