bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
