I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
one two three fourrrrnication!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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