So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize