Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
