hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
