I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
