I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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