all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
