my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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