I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so much tequila, so little girl.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
