Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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