i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
