Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
