So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
