I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
