There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
