all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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