i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
