First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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