haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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