they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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