Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
