I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize