Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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