ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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