He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
