I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
