Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
