I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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