Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
