Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
