I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
