It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
