Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
