I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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