HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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