I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
