Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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