So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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