This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
