I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
