I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The uberlube is also flammable
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
