you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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