I accidentally burped into my bong.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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