is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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